The Idiot Is Leaving

Today is a good day.

Today marks the last day (or was it yesterday? Damn, my brain's fried...) of George Dubya in the most powerful political seat in the USA and quite possibly, in the world.

I have been witness to Dubya's great imbecilic rants, statements, and actions all throughout his 2 terms and if there was one thing I profoundly learned about his tenure as US President, it's this:

NO MATTER HOW DUMB AND FUCKING IGNORANT YOU ARE, AS LONG AS YOU ARE FILTHY RICH AND YOUR DADDY HAS ALL THE RIGHT (read: POWERFUL) CONNECTIONS, YOU CAN BE A PRESIDENT.

The Idiot's run finally ends.

Long Walks And The Absence Of Music

Let me vent first. I haven't listened to any music for the past eleven (11) days and I've become more belligerent because of it. Mental violence and my journal writing has taken a clearly demented path. I'm not used to this shit. I've been listening to music everyday for the past fourteen (14) years and this absence of music this past couple of weeks is making me fucking insane. My stereo and DVD player broke at a precarious time. I badly need and want to listen to Fugazi's Red Medicine album and all I fucking get is disappointment. A cruel aural dry spell.

This shit's going to get fixed next week, though. Come payday-which is Tuesday the 20th-I'll buy a new DVD player. Fuck it. I have my Altec Lansing speakers gathering dust at home and its more than two weeks respite is enough.

I also miss watching my Isis Clearing The Eye DVD, goddamn it.

Enough of the aural dry spell rants.

I've been taking extremely long walks for the past couple of months and it's good that one of my close buddies at work, Henry, is a Long Distance Walker as well. Two (2) weeks ago, we walked from our workplace's building on Ayala Avenue in Makati City all the way to Quiapo in Manila. A grueling affair, I must say but it's also profound. It took us about two (2) hours to complete the said walk and when we separated in Quiapo to go home, I went further; I walked from Quiapo all the way home. Crazy shit, I tell ya. About twenty (20) more before arriving at home, I could've sworn my heart was beating like a crackhead on speed.

Cardiocvascular exercise for the weird.

I've been steadily dating somebody right now and being the strange monogamous hombre that I am, I badly need the exercise. Romance is not for the weak, hopeless and suicidal. You can't possibly love or let alone like someone if you're on Depression Road.

You just can't.

Absence of music = goddamn it, makes me see red. A woman who can shut me up and sit me down and make me content and happy = one of the best feelings in the world.

Now scram and go read some Bukowski.

Nothing Positive, Only Negative

Other than the mighty EYEHATEGOD, I can't think of any band other than FACEDOWNINSHIT who can play this kind of music. This music is not for everybody. It's not art. It's not some artsy shit that was conceived on some drunken debauchery.

This is the face (no pun intended) of extreme music's future. Run, do not walk, toward it.

(AM)

This is getting too much.
I can't stop thinking about you and by the looks of it I won't be able to stop.
If it's a bad thing or a good thing, only time can tell.
I hope the feeling's mutual.

Today Is The Day

I didn't want today to end.

It's one of those extremely rare cases when my day's going about wonderfully and all I can think of is for time to stop and freeze the day on its bloody tracks. The exact opposite of being fucked-up, the antithesis to depression, and the absence of abhorrence.

I've been awake for 29 hours straight already and have been awake for 23 hours out of the day's 24 hours. For some peculiar reason my mind's as if it had just woke up from a sound 8 hours of sleep, but I know that once I surrender to bed my body's going to shut itself right away to sleep. The feeling is profound and somehow my mind's as sharp as a Benihana chef's knife.

Goddammit.

I don't give a fuck what it all meant or why it happened, all I know is that it's been a long time since I felt this way. I feel extremely mighty good.

Spending time alone with YOU is beyond euphoric.

Let's do it again, ok?

Fat

I was 30 lbs. overweight 4 months ago and about 50 lbs. heavier about a year ago and the fact made me intensely fucking sick to my fucking stomach. I knew I was tremendously out of shape because whenever I walk beyond 50 lousy footsteps, I'd be panting like a pig. I knew it was bad. I had to take some action. It was either Cardiac Arrest or Aneurysm that was waiting for me and I didn't fucking like the idea.

Today, I am 32 lbs. lighter and I'll try like hell to shed some 8 lbs. more within the next 2 weeks. Then I'm at my "ideal" body weight. Fuck beefy and tough-guy looking airheads who pump iron to get laid and develop muscles for show.

GET YER FUCKEN HEADS OFF YER ASSES, YOU DUMB ILLITERATE MOTHERFUCKERS. The health benefits of being in shape should not be taken for granted for pompous vanity reasons. Shit.

Now where were we...I have to run 4 more times in the next week and do the exercises I have been doing these past several weeks and hopefully, I can finally, FINALLY, sit back and finish my first fucking book already, that thing's taking too long to finish.

Ho ho ho.

Something Happend Today And For Some Change It Wasn't Fucking Gloomy

The day started pretty bleak today. Paying bills, having a severe hangover, and thinking extremely about this girl who kicked my ass so hard her footprint is still visible on it (figuratively speaking, of course).

I woke up at 11:00 a.m. today and I sincerely thought I'd die of a massive cardiac arrest. Me and my band Inside The Sun practiced for the first time in 3 months yesterday for two hours and my drummer/bandmate and I went on a walking road trip amidst the light albeit annoying rain. Getting yourself wet in the rain like a rag after perspiring like a pig for two hours is pretty tiring. The shit was harder on my part because at the time we got wet which was at around 4:00 p.m., I've been awake for like 19 hours already since I work the midnight shift (literally - my shift starts at 12 fucking o'clock in the a.m.).

Anyway, when I eventually got home, I slumped helplessly on our couch after changing in a clean shirt and shorts and in about a minute or two after resting my head on the couch pillow, I was completely knocked out. I woke up a couple of times to piss and by the time I took a piss at around 10:50 a.m., I was slowly waking up to start my last rest day of the week from work. Such instances gave me grand ideas of not wasting the day away. To do this, however, I had to fucking kill the slowly growing migraine I was having and the seemingly heavy weight that was crushing my chest.

I took an aspirin, got my shit together and took off. My plan for the day was (a) go pay some bills at a bank in Makati City and (b) after paying the said bills, hang out with my buddy at work, Jeg.

After I finished my business at around 1:30 p.m., Jeg told me he was playing War Of Warcraft and it'll take the motherfucker two more hours or so. Fuck it. Instead, he invited me to join this dinner-and-poker-night with some friends from work at around 4:00 p.m. and was quite persuasive with his invitation. I obliged and I said I'd just kill some time in some book store and have some coffee and meet him afterwards for the said dinner.

I constructively spent a good 15-20 minutes in this second-hand book shop near the bank I went to, browsing through the paperbacks hoping to find a good read (which didn't happen). I eventually got a caffeine fix at a nearby coffee shop after the book store window shopping and wasted the time away to reach 4:00 p.m., which I diligently spent reading the local papers for the day.

Jeg and I met at a branch of Shopwise near his place some minutes past 4:00 p.m. and we went on our way to our friend's pad for the dinner.

The dinner itself started sometime past 8:00 p.m. and there were 9 people present including myself. Included in those people is the girl who for the longest time have been occupying my mind. She, for some arcane reason, is the girl I'm thinking of whenever I listen to "Big Me" by the Foo Fighters. Now, this is a song about a guy who's into a girl but the latter doesn't care about the former's feelings about her. Or something like that, shit, that's my interpretation of the lyrics (song).

Anyway, the night ended beautifully and I learned something quite valuable. By heart, I am a pessimist, a gloomy motherfucker who'd rather have things in Black than in White. This is a disposition I've been trying to use in my advantage all the time, basically life in general.

Then something profound happened. Something that usually happens in a comedy film and the ending doesn't quite equally sum up the film's parts.

Knowing that all is well.

Tonight was profound simply because I discovered that rejection and indifference should not define and build my character.

I've been rejected, dejected, humiliated, and utterly ridiculed but all of those things somehow made me realize that fuck it, life's not fair.

But...

It doesn't mean I have to lose Integrity and Altruism along the way.

Can't fucking help it.